Things Not To Do At a Restaurant

Because I'm in a cranky mood (I'm sick, which means a lot of missed work this weekend, which means no money), here's a list of the worst behavior from customers I've seen. The most annoying things I have to deal with.


- Letting the kids run around. It's so unsafe; you just can't let them do that.
- Letting the kids scream and cry for long periods of time. (key word long periods of time, I guess a little screaming and crying is unavoidable)
- Trying to pull me into an argument/disagreement. Just don't do that. Honestly. I don't know you, I don't know the situation. Don't draw me in and force me to pick sides. It will inevitably end with somebody getting mad at me (which jeopardizes my tip).
- Whistling for a server. We're not your dog, asshole. We're people. Screw you, you nasty pig. What right do you have to treat us that way? A simple "excuse me" or giving the server a look or a wave will suffice; there's just no need for whistling.
- Expecting me to read your mind. If you want something, speak up. Since I'm an experienced and fairly good server, I can to some extent predict your needs (if your glass is half empty, you probably want a refill. If you ordered fries, you probably want ketchup). Be specific with your order. If you don't want an ingredient in there, speak up. If you want fries, tell me. Otherwise, I won't know.
- Leaving a gigantic, awful mess for me to clean up. Look, I don't expect the table to be clean enough to eat off once you leave. And I get that cleaning that table up is part of my job, so I don't mind. But please, if your kid dumped half their food onto the floor, pick it up (or make them do it if they're big enough to learn how to clean up after themselves). If you knock your drink over, don't idly stand by as your server wipes that mess all up, pitch in a little if you can. It will be much appreciated.
- Sugar on the table. There's not that much sugar in the packet, why can't you just dump it all in? Why must you dump all that sugar on the table? Or leave an open packet to be spilled all over? Do you know how hard it is to clean up all those granules of sugar? It's so annoying! Please either use the entire packet or put the open packet on a plate or something so that it spills there, not on the table I then have to clean. (Perhaps I should say that I am OCD, and thus it's really hard for me to clean something like that up. It's so hard to get them all! And I have to. Maybe this doesn't bug other servers as much?)
- Large to go orders that don't tip. I've had $120 to go orders that didn't leave any tip at all. Ok, but that's $10 that I am being taxed that you screwed me out of. If you're getting a large to go (let's say like anything over $30?) you should leave some tip. It does take some work boxing it all, wrapping it, putting it in bags, getting dressings, utensils, napkins, etc. and just making sure you have everything you need.
- Constant refills. Look, I'm not saying don't get your money's worth (drinks are so outrageously priced, you should have a few). All I'm saying is that if I've had to refill your drink 2 or 3 times before I've even taken your order, we have some problems here. Haha. At least give me like 4 minutes or so in between refills please? I do have other stuff to do besides refill your drink every minute.
- Red Hats. I'm so sorry, ladies (if any of you even go on the internet). But man. Some groups of you are lovely and kind, but some are just awful. You work your server to the bone, are kind of rude about it, and then don't tip. As a server, you know you're in for a rough day when you see them on the reservation sheet. I once had to make a separate trip upstairs for drinks for an entire table (as in one trip for each lady) because they would not tell me they wanted anything despite my repeated asking of "anybody else want something to drink besides water?"
- Haggling. Sorry, but no. That dish will not be any cheaper if you get it without the onions (because there will be a few extra of the other ingredients thrown in). And no, I can't get you any kind of special price.
- Not knowing coupon rules. The place I work at is in the entertainment and enjoy books. If you're not familiar with them, they're just coupon books; however, there are rules attached. You can't use them with a party of more than 10, you can't use more than 3 per table, sometimes there are specifications about what days or times they can be used on, etc. etc. Now, I know these rules inside and out. Why? Because it's my job, and I deal with these coupons on a nightly basis. I need to, because if I don't my bosses understandably get mad. These rules are in the books, so if you read them you can see. Don't yell at me and get huffy and say "well it doesn't say that", because yes it does and I will show you in black and white that it does. Please believe me, I know what I'm talking about. And I want to keep you happy (after all, my tip does depend on it). If I could help you, I would. But if I break or bend the rules, we could get kicked out. And that would hurt our business. Also, I can't use a coupon that expired. So please, people, if you want to use a coupon, ask your server about it. Tell them from the beginning you have it and ask about conditions (if you don't want to read them for yourself). Best way to make sure you can use them.
- Asking me to step outside my job description or asking really outrageous favors. When I'm hosting, please don't expect me to find you a table. We have reservations, they get the table first. Walkins have to wait. When I'm bartending, I can't pour extra in your drink (unless I charge you for a double or something). And while I am more than happy to do a favor for you or help you out if I can, sorry but I cannot blatantly lie or break the rules my bosses have set. I don't care if you're a regular or if you know somebody who used to work here or whatever. I still can't. No harm in asking I suppose, but please accept my answer when I say no. You've no right to get pissy and mean or yell at me or screw me out of a tip because of it.