Eating Out With Kids

So I suck. I've been neglecting this blog. Stupid school getting in the way, stupid finals. Going away for a few days was not stupid though. Haha.



Anyway, I saw this article on Yahoo about commandments for eating out with kids.
And here is my take.

But first please allow me to say that I disagree with the article that nobody wants to ban kids in restaurants; I know quite a few servers who wouldn't mind it. Lol. I'm kidding (mostly). It's not that we mind the little kids in themselves so much (they are often pretty cute after all), it's when they are not kept under control and do not behave appropriately that we start to dislike them. I shudder at some kids I see at work. My parents never would have let me behave in such ways! (I swear I'm not an old fuddy duddy, I'm only 25. haha) I work at a fine dining place (the atmosphere is kinda more casual though), and honestly I think kids should be in double digits before they are allowed in for most cases. It's not that kids can't behave in good ways, because they can. It's more that parents let the kids run amok (literally and figuratively) and don't try to stop inappropriate, annoying behavior.



THOU SHALT NOT BLOCK TRAFFIC WITH BULKY STROLLERS
I have not had any trouble with this one. I will, however, extend this commandment to walkers. Sorry, little old lady, but your walker cannot take up the aisle. I know you need it, and I promise you I will be more than happy to bring it back to you when you are finished and ready to leave, but when you leave something blocking part of the aisle it is truly a safety hazard (in addition to making my job way harder).

THOU SHALT NOT ORDER A 10-COURSE TASTING MENU WITH KIDS UNDER 10
This would never have occurred to me. But I guess a reminder that you're not out for a fun, adult, romantic meal out but you are out with your children and to keep their short attention spans in mind can't hurt.

THOU SHALT NOT TREAT YOUR SERVER LIKE A SITTER
Really? Would anybody do this? I'd hate to have this happen to me. What an incredibly awkward position to put your sever in! S/he has way more than enough to do without adding having to keep an eye on your children to that list. Not to mention if something happens and you hold them responsible for your own stupidity/lack of parenting? Oh god no. Please just don't ever do something like that.

THOU SHALT NOT BREAST FEED AT THE TABLE
Ohmygod, agreed! This actually happened to me (thankfully, it was dead and there was only that one table ... by the way this crazy bitch actually changed her baby right there on a changing pad on the floor GROSS!!! I mean really, you crazy bitch, people eat close by!), and it was not cool. I come over to see if they need a refill or something and it's like "oh hello, there's your boob. With your kid attached." Not that there's anything wrong with breastfeeding at all, but um just do it in private ok? Nobody wants or needs to see it.

THOU SHALL FEEL FREE TO ORDER "KID FOOD" OFF THE MENU
My restaurant has a kids menu, so I don't know. But yes do feel free to ask for something off the menu if your child won't eat anything on the menu. (Most chefs will happily do it, provided they have the ingredients.)

THOU SHALL NOT TURN DINNER INTO A PHOTOSHOOT
Taking a pic? Fine. (I often get asked to do that for some reason.) Doing a photoshoot? Do it before you leave your home, before there's the possibility of the kids spilling something on those cute clothes.

THOU SHALT NOT BRING NOISY TOYS
Be respectful of other customers. Be respectful of the employees. Nobody wants to hear your obnoxious beeping and noises from the kid's gameboy (or whatever the equivalent of that would be today). Put it on silent. You are out in public, and there are other people. You should not try to give them headaches from annoying noise.

THOU SHALL TRY TO QUELL HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING
No, thou SHALL quell it, not try. In what world is it ok for a child to scream their head off that way? If you must, take them outside or to your car until they calm down. I cannot tell you how obnoxious it is to listen to ear piercing yelling for an hour or two on end. As my coworker puts it "I go to work to get away from that, make it stop!" Our jobs are hard enough without your brat trying to make our ears bleed.

THOU SHALT NOT ALLOW FREE-RANGE KIDS
YES YES YES YES! I cannot stress this enough. You cannot let your child run free at a restaurant. You cannot do it. It is completely unsafe. Please let me say this one more time, it is extremely unsafe. Servers are coming through with heavy trays (trays that weigh more than your small child – these trays can weigh up to like 40 pounds!), which may contain piping hot food (or steaming hot soup) and heavy dishes. Imagine if your kid runs in my way, and I stumble. A plate flies off the tray, dumping food all over your kid. Your kid can get burns from soup. A glass could fall, and break!, on your child. Your child can get a serious injury from a broken glass or plate. I can fall, drop the tray on myself. Or they're running and fall on a bit of liquid that spilled on the floor, they run into a tray jack or a table. Just because you don't see any servers in that area does not mean there will not be any. We may have to go to any area of the dining room. Other customers may need through there too. There is so much potential for injury here, very serious potential for a bad injury. For the sake of the servers and especially for the sake of your child, do not let them run around. Keep them in their seats. We often host parties, including rehearsal dinners and even wedding receptions, and we often have small children with these parties. I am continually amazed that parents would think this is ok.
Further more if you allow this to happen, you put me in a bad position. I have to be the bad guy, I have to say "sweetie, you cannot run around. It's not safe. Can you please go sit down?" (I've definitely had parents get PISSED at me for attempting to correct their children for bad or inappropriate behaviors, but what can I do? I cannot risk it, I have to nicely tell your kid to stay out of the way)

Seriously just do not let your children run around a restaurant. Please don't. I cannot tell you how unsafe it is.

THOU SHALL CALMLY DISCOURAGE FOOD FIGHTS
Again, no you WILL stop them. Or better yet, how about not allowing them to happen in the first place? Again I have to ask in what world is this ok or acceptable in any way? Just because you don't have to clean up the fucking mess, doesn't mean it's ok to let it happen. This is the second biggest pet peeve of waiting on tables with children (first of course being ear splitting shrieking that goes on and on and on and doesn't stop). It sucks enough cleaning up a table as it is, but when your brat has thrown half their meal onto the floor? I get pissed, really pissed. You are out in public, not the comfort of your own home. Have respect and consideration for the poor person who has to clean up that disgusting mess. (Have you ever tried to clean up cut up spaghetti from a carpeted floor? Well I have, many times, and let me tell you it is not easy and it can take a long time. It pisses me off. Also, food on the floor tends to get stepped on. Do you know how difficult it is to get all those tiny little crumbs? Or how annoying it is to clean when they get ground into the carpet?)
If your child is too little to not make a huge mess, maybe they're too young to go out to eat. Or how about having a little consideration and confining that mess to the table.

And to you parents who pick up the cheerios your kid throws on the floor, thank you so very much! From all servers everywhere, we appreciate that little kindness in making our job easier.




I'd love to hear your opinions, people.