Guidelines for Tipping

Here is my list of guidelines for tipping.


1. If you don't have money for the tip, you don't have money to eat out.
This is actually a rule, not just a guideline. If you can't leave a tip, hit the drive through, pick up a pizza, or *gasp* cook something at home. The tip is absolutely NOT optional. I cannot stress this enough. Please let me explain how being a server works. You make $2-something an hour (I believe most bartenders make somewhere in this range too. At any rate, it is significantly less than minimum wage). The tips are not a bonus for doing a good job or being cute; the tips are (the vast majority of) your wage. Further more, we must claim a certain percentage of our sales as tips. This means if you stiff us, we're paying money we did not make. I won't lie, most of the time we make more than minimum wage (well at least where I work), but if we don't (say it was a slow week and our sales were very low), our employer is supposed to make up the difference. Do they? In my experience, no they don't. Our paychecks are shitty. We make very, very little. This is because tips are counted on for our wages. Therefore, you need to tip us. This is not negotiable.

2. Tipping should be, at the very least, 15% if service was not bad.
If your server was rude or you saw that he or she gave better service to other tables or didn't come to check on you ... well I wouldn't tip well either (and believe me, for someone whose living depends on tips to not tip well takes a lot). If the service was good, 20% is more acceptable. It's very upsetting to be told things like "thank you so much! Everything was wonderful!" or "you're a very good waitress" and then opening up the book to see that they left me $5 on a $50 check. 15% is kind of the minimum baseline here. When a table compliments me and says how wonderful I am, I kind of expect to get more because good service should be rewarded with a higher tip. If your server was nice and got you what you asked for, then don't leave a bad tip. If they were very nice and knowledgeable or did something to make your meal special, leave them extra. It's only nice.

3. Don't take other people's mistakes out on the tip.
If your table has to wait a long time for their meal, odds are it has NOTHING to do with your server. Look around you, is the place busy? Is there a large party? Did you order something well done? All of these will result in a longer wait time. There is nothing your server can do. Checks are cooked on a first come, first serve basis. So if there are 7 tables that came in 15 minutes before you, you will have to wait. What do you expect your server to do? There's nothing he or she can do in this case. If one of these is a big party, sorry but that takes even longer. Some things take longer to cook than others, so if that table who came in 10 minutes after you is eating before you, blame your well done steak not your server. Your server cannot get you your meal any faster than the kitchen prepares it. Please do not stiff him or her because of it. Also, sometimes the bartender is busy and gets backed up or maybe she or he is just slow. In that case your wait to get your drinks isn't your server's fault. Also not your server's fault? The fact that you had to wait for your table. Don't be in a bad mood and take it out on the tip, because really what could your server have done to get you seated faster? Nothing. If the kitchen prepares your food wrong, this is again their fault and not your server's. If the kitchen overcooks your steak, that's on them not your server. You shouldn't tip poorly because of that.
All I'm saying is the tip should be solely related to the service your server gave you. If something was lacking that they had no control over or maybe was not necessarily their fault, please don't tip poorly because of that.
Oh and if you don't read your menu and see the price, or see that something costs extra, that is on you, my friend. You don't get to screw your server over because you're mad. If it matters to you, be sure to check ahead of time before you order. Ditto to if you don't like your meal. It's not your server's fault that it isn't your taste. So why on earth should you stiff him or her for that? You shouldn't.

4. Mistakes do happen. Please try to be understanding.
Look, I'm not saying if your server screws up big time that you still need to tip 20%. I'm just saying we're human, we do sometimes mess up. Please be nice about it. If your server was any good, odds are they apologized (probably profusely) and took steps to correct it immediately. If it's a little thing, like your server forgets to bring you that refill, is that really a big deal? No. Leave a little less if you must (but really it's a stupid little thing to make a big deal out of), but it's nothing to flip out about and screw them over. Now if they forget to put your order in and you end up waiting a long time, yes you're going to be mad. And I'm not saying you still need to tip well or not be mad, just be nice. You really have no right to yell at, berate, belittle, or just plain be a bitch to your server. Go ahead and voice your displeasure, but do it in a polite, respectful way. (Really, this is true of any situation. It will get you farther if you stay calm and rational.)
Stop and think. Put yourself in their shoes. If you made a little mistake at work, would you want somebody screaming? No. So why not extend that same courtesy you'd want to your server? I mean, unless you're perfect and have never once screwed anything up … in which case please do tell the server off.

5. We don't get to keep all of our tips.
You might think you're only hurting your server by leaving them a lousy tip, but you're wrong. Your server may need to tip out the bartenders, bussers, hosts, food runners, helpers, dishwashers (I'm not sure how common this one is. At the marina they hired real young kids and paid them jack shit. To make up for this, they made us tip them out. I was also sometimes expected to tip the cook), and I've heard stories of managers taking a cut even. Some places even have a pool, where all the tips are put in together and divided up between everybody. My point is, your server is walking out of there with less money, sometimes a lot less, than the total they were tipped. If you stiff the server, they still need to tip everybody out and you're really hurting them.

6. You have the gold Am-Ex. We know you have money, learn how to use it.
It's not that I mind being a little tight with your money. I understand that most people get to accumulate wealth by not spending a ton. However, if you have the money to drop $100 on dinner, you can afford to leave an appropriate amount for a tip. $10 is not enough. And really, would leaving the extra $5 or $10 kill you? Maybe I wouldn't mind so much if you didn't order me around or throw that money out there in a kind of bragging way.

7. Just because you are paying for the meal and leaving a tip doesn't mean you own us.
It's not that any server has a problem with you asking for something (hello, it's part of the job!) or taking care of you. If they do, they're in the wrong line of work. However, we are not your servants. Or your dogs. (Oh yes, I've seen customers whistle at people trying to get something. And you wonder why we ignore you, asshole.) A please or thank you will not kill you. Neither will being polite or respectful about it. Please don't expect us to drop everything (your server likely has a list of about 5 or more things, at least, that need to be done ASAP ... I'll make an entry about how much we need to do later) to go get you that extra napkin. We'll get it, but don't just please don't expect it in ten seconds, after all we can't just pull it out our ass. All I'm asking is that you be nice about asking and patient. Oh and if you need more than one thing, please ask for them all at once. It's so annoying to take something to my table only for that person to ask for something else. I take that over and oh wait someone else needs something now. Just please if you'll need something ask for it and let your server make as few trips as possible by bringing multiple things at once. (No lie, I once had to make a special trip upstairs -- I was working in our dining room downstairs this particular night -- for every lady at my table to get a drink. I asked if I could get them anything to drink, one lady wanted something. "Anybody else?" I asked several times. I go get that drink and come back, now another lady wanted one. This went on about 7 times. Needless to say, I was pissed. Just please try not to do that to your server.)
If you have two tables and one says "when you can, will you bring me some more water" or "Can I get more water please?" and the other "I need ketchup" and gives you a dirty look when you don't instantly run off to get it who are you going to take care of first? Yeah, that's right the one who is nice. Yes it is my job to serve you, but I am not your servant and it is not my job to cater to your every whim. All I ask is that you treat me with basic respect and courtesy when you ask for something. Just because you are tipping me doesn't mean I have to put up with whatever you want to throw at me.

8. (This is a biggie! Please take note.) The tip is based on the amount before any discount or coupon.
You have a coupon for buy one dinner get one free? Great for you. Not so much for me. I cringe when I see coupons, because people don't know this. You don't tip on the amount after the discount, you tip on the original, total amount before any coupon or discount is taken off. This means when you leave $3 on a $20 check it's really like you left $3 on a check of $36 or so.
Also, let's apply this to gift cards as well. If you use one for part of your meal, you still tip on the full amount not the amount of cash you hand me.

9. Tipping and togo orders
This is a bit tricky, because every place is different. Where I work, those togos are counted in my sales. This means I am paying tax on them. If you get a $60 and don't tip (which most people don't), you are totally screwing me. Hell, I've had $100 togos in my sales that didn't tip. You don't need to tip as much as when you dine in obviously, but would it kill you to leave a few bucks to not make me pay for the tax on it out of my own pocket? After all, I did box it up for you, wrap up anything spillable, throw in napkins, silverware, and condiments, and put it in a bag for you. Sometimes, I even help you take it to your car. And you can't leave me a few dollars?
Of course, this is not the case at all restaurants and bars. Some have a separate thing all together for togos so that nobody is claiming them as part of their sales and paying taxes on them. In this case, I suppose it's not entirely necessary to tip (though whoever got it all ready for you would no doubt greatly appreciate it). When it doubt, ask.

10. Good tipping begets good service. Poor tipping means getting ignored.
If I know that no matter what I do, no matter how much I bust my ass to get you whatever you want, that I'm only getting $5 out of it, well guess what, you're moving to the bottom of my priority list. Sorry, but why would any server jeopardize a potentially good tip to take good care of you when you tip horribly? I'm just saying if you only ever leave 12%, you really should know your server won't take the best care of you. They're going to spend more time with their other tables to get more money since they know you won't leave much.



Feel free to add more or agree or disagree in the comments.